2021

 I'm not one for New Years resolutions, and that's not what this is. This is me having an epiphany, a change of heart, or whatever you wanna call it, that just happened to occur on January 8th. Obviously last year was hard, blame it on covid, politics, race wars, or the million other things that went wrong, and we were all expected to carry on, to adjust our mental health to fit our new unpleasant reality. And we did, or at least tried to.

Along with most of the world, I entered 2021 with an overarching shadow of loneliness and lack of hope. I have felt distant in my faith, and unsure of what I was even putting my faith into. I needed a hand, I needed someone to reach out and I didn't even know how much I did until it happened. It felt as if an unconscious prayer that I had never spoken had been answered. In just a few conversations and invaluable words of encouragement, I felt renewed, inspired, and on fire to turn some things around and step into positive action. And to think it was all just 'happenstance'. One decision to go to Chili's. 

Here I got to learn about my classmates in grad school with me and bond over more then just academics. I got to broaden my perspective of who I thought these people were, and get knocked down for the presumptions that I had previously made that stood no ground. I was reminded of how quick I can be to judge, how easy it is for me to see flaws and identify a person based on those flaws, that may or may not even be true. In their affirmations of who I am, I felt guilty and ashamed for for my negative presumptions. And I needed to be knocked down. 

Driving home with a friend started with talking about failed relationships and lots of laughs... an opening to a tunnel of a real friendships that extends further than just what needs to be done for class. We sat in a parked car sharing our stories for hours. I exposed parts of myself that I had hidden, and got to hear the same from him. I realized that in my distance from God, my doubt and my uncertainty, that He has been constant, He has been reaching for my hand for months as I've been refusing to acknowledge it. And here is where the epiphany came. We both were experiencing a heaviness. We both were feeling like we were lacking the courage and intentionality of getting to know each other. Not just the two of us, but our entire cohort in grad school. This realization I think lit a spark in both of our hearts to be the people who are reaching out, because everyone is probably feeling similar to how we are. Overwhelmed and nervous. 

We are not the ones drowning in grad school for a breath of air, but we had each other to lean on. We used to judge those who were drowning as lacking a desire to succeed, or maybe just in the wrong profession. But we came to the hard truth that we were not an inclusive group, we left those people to sink or swim, and then judged them from afar as we threw each other a lifeline in every class. How is that serving as helping those in need, which is literally our profession! We realized we could be better. We can reach out, we can lend a hand. We can help lead each other into being the best versions of ourselves as we exit grad school. We want each other to succeed. We want to support the people around us in our academics, but also in the small things like building their confidence in their abilities.

Just to think how much more enjoyable and how much more we could get out of this experience if we do it as a group. So we want to make a change. We are going to make a change. This conversation was a sign of Jesus' faithfulness. To put someone there to listen and guide me to be better. I am so grateful. I did not know how much I needed a friend to reach out the way he did, but it was so nice, and I left feeling so renewed. I want to extend this further. I think we all deserve a little help, a hand to reach out, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. Why don't we just build that support system from within our group. That is our mission.