Just for me

 Its Thursday morning, October 21st, 2021, and I'm sitting in my ethics class doing a free association writing assignment. I guess I just want to reflect on how i'm feeling right now in the middle of a chaotic semester. I feel pretty stressed but i'm not gonna die. It feels as though due dates approach much sooner than they pass and I am frequently finding myself in a place of playing catch up, often due to my own lack of motivation and increased procrastination. But even so, I am grateful for my opportunity to be in grad school. I know that this experience is giving me more than just a degree that will allow me the knowledge and licensure to get my dream job, but also I am growing so much as a person. I know so many wonderful people that I would not have gotten the chance to become close to without being here. For that I am so appreciative. Grad school is allowing me mentorship and relationships with professors who I look up to so much, and even though at times I really do...

Okay here we go, 2020 has already been the most chaotic experience in my 22 years. This is not a personal thing, but the world is being stretched, pulled, and beaten pretty much every day. If I didn't know better I would really think that this is the end of the world. I can go into detail of that in another post, but for now I am going to relieve my thoughts and anxiety about my latest boy. I am embarrassed by the beginning of this story, but I also think it is a funny aspect to this story, so it has to be included. So, a couple of weeks ago, maybe at the end of July, me and Madison decided that it would be a funny idea to download the dating app Bumble on our phones (we were feeling particularly lonely this day). For some reason it felt a little bit better than Tinder just because of the stigma that Tinder has associated with it. The first couple weeks of Bumble were honestly really fun not gonna lie. I mean, we could just swipe through photos of all types of boys in our area and ...

Well it has been a weekend. Not really sure where to start.... but let me backtrack to the beginning to put the whole situation on paper. Halloween, 2022. Madison and her roommates threw a low key halloween party with some of their friends. Faith had some people, Jess, Elayna, and Mary came, as well as her church friends and softball friends that are on the team with Madison and Hannah. Firstly, it was a really fun night. But towards the end though I found myself sitting on the couch with one of the softball boys who I hadn't met previously, which was ironic because I have met most of the softball boys and hung out with them all quite a few times over the summer and even a few times beforehand, but this was my first time meeting Nick. For some reason I guess he was just never around when I was. Moral of the story, we kind of hit it off (from what I can remember at least). Nothing crazy, I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I remember thinking he was nice and ce...

 I'm not one for New Years resolutions, and that's not what this is. This is me having an epiphany, a change of heart, or whatever you wanna call it, that just happened to occur on January 8th. Obviously last year was hard, blame it on covid, politics, race wars, or the million other things that went wrong, and we were all expected to carry on, to adjust our mental health to fit our new unpleasant reality. And we did, or at least tried to. Along with most of the world, I entered 2021 with an overarching shadow of loneliness and lack of hope. I have felt distant in my faith, and unsure of what I was even putting my faith into. I needed a hand, I needed someone to reach out and I didn't even know how much I did until it happened. It felt as if an unconscious prayer that I had never spoken had been answered. In just a few conversations and invaluable words of encouragement, I felt renewed, inspired, and on fire to turn some things around and step into positive action. And to t...